He’s so controlling and jealous

Here’s the whole question:  I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me, but he has become extremely controlling and insanely jealous.  I feel so confused….and having this baby will only complicate things more.

Your baby is not the cause of your confusion.  And having an abortion will not make your life with him less complicated.  You feel confused because there is a conflict between your own thinking and beliefs of what your relationship with him should be like versus the reality of what your actual relationship is like.  What you are experiencing with him is called domestic abuse.

Description of Domestic Abuse

  • It starts to happen in little ways, so it can be very confusing for you.
  • What begins as love turns into domination, “keeping you in your place,” and obsessive possessiveness.
  • Extreme jealousy, intimidation, manipulation, isolation, insults, putdowns, ridicule and accusations are all a pattern of psychological abuse that he uses to exert power and control over you.
  • Domestic terrorism frequently begins with verbal and emotional abuse and then escalates to physical abuse.
  • Without counseling (for yourself alone and with both of you together), your relationship with him will go from bad to worse.
  • The important thing for you to realize is that this will happen whether you have an abortion or not.

Having an abortion won’t make your life less complicated.  That may surprise you.  But think about it — right now YOU are the victim in your situation.  If you have an abortion, your baby becomes the victim, and YOU are the abuser.  That’s not an easy thing to live with.  The baby is not the problem — it’s your relationship with him that’s the problem.  So the answer to your problem is not to kill your baby.  The answer is to get help with your relationship.  These situations don’t get better by themselves — they get worse.  Please contact your local Pregnancy Help Center and ask them for a referral for relationship counseling.