Accusing a woman of trapping him may have been more of an issue years ago, when it was considered mandatory for a man to marry a woman if a baby was conceived. But in this age of premarital sex, cohabitation, and single motherhood, it is no longer unusual or even socially unacceptable for a woman to raise a child without a husband. Yes, he has a financial responsibility to his child, and he may want to be involved in raising his child to one degree or another. But that does not mean that he has been trapped into a romantic relationship with you. He has the freedom to remain emotionally unattached to you, just as much as you have that same freedom.
Does he mean he feels you seduced him? If he is saying that, he would be acknowledging his own lack of good judgment, self-control, and common sense. We must all claim responsibility for our own actions when we enter into consensual intercourse. Whenever a fertile man and woman have intercourse, there is always the possibility of a pregnancy.
Aside from all of that, how did it make you feel when he accused you of trapping him ….to strike out at you at a time when you were sharing the intimate information that you and he had conceived a child? Those are words that won’t be soon forgotten. They inflict a wound that will take time to heal, and to forgive. They may also be words of warning to you that your relationship with him may have to be reevaluated. Give him some time and space for now. Give yourself that same time and space.
Some women in these circumstances begin to consider aborting their child. They are hurt….they feel emotionally forsaken by the father of the child. They are heartbroken and angry. It seems much too big of a sacrifice…..even stupid…..to have his baby. Thinking of getting rid of his baby brings a sense of relief, and the dark pleasure of planning revenge flows through them. That’s a natural reaction to receiving an emotional slap in the face. But don’t make life-and-death decisions on emotion alone. Emotions change from day to day. Remember that this is not just HIS child. This is YOUR child, too! Must your baby pay with her life so you can get back at her father? Will it give you satisfaction a year from now, knowing that you ended the life of your child to punish him? He may long be gone by then, and you will sit alone with a scarred body and soul. You will sit with your memories and not know how to turn them off. Is he worth that? Will you allow him to manipulate your life even after he is no longer a part of it?
Have this baby. Give your baby life. She is the silver lining in this dark cloud. She had no control over the circumstances under which she was conceived. She is innocent and needs your protection. One day, if you decide to share the story of your pregnancy with her, she will feel so sorry that you had to go through the heartbreak you felt. But she will admire your courage and your strength of character for believing that she had a right to live her life. She will marvel at your strength and determination for welcoming her into your arms and your home. Instead of disturbing flash-backs and nightmares, you will have a Memory Box of baby pictures that gets more crowded with each passing year.
You have the opportunity to make the right decision for both you and your baby — a decision you can both live with!